


love not with eyes

by alamorn



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alamorn/pseuds/alamorn
Summary: Baze does not believe in things he cannot see. Chirrut does not have that luxury.





	

The Force does not speak to Chirrut. He prayed that it would, when he was young, and he still does, but he is resigned to being apart. He is a part, and that must be enough. The cog does not know how the clock works, after all. He does not need to see the Force, or shape it, to know that it is acting.

Baze does not have Chirrut’s conviction. It’s an old argument between them. Baze does not believe in things he cannot see. Chirrut does not have that luxury.

 

(“Do you not believe I love you?” snaps Chirrut when he’s feeling wound tight.

Baze only laughs. “Anyone can see that you love me. I can see your actions, I do not need to see your emotions.”)

 

Chirrut knows the Force exists and that it acts. It has done two things for him: it took his family. It gave him Baze.

The Force gives and the Force takes away. Balance is what is important, not morality. Every time he lies in Baze’s arms, held tight, loose limbed and satisfied, he wonders what the Force will take from him. Surely such happiness must be balanced somewhere.

He counts the things he is willing to sacrifice to keep Baze with him: the list is long and it lulls him to sleep. He dreams of being crushed. He dreams of burning. He dreams of Baze, of pressing his hands to Baze’s face and finding no tension, of pressing his hands to Baze’s face and finding only kisses.

 

(When he was making his list he did not put Jedha on it. He did not put the kyber heart of his life.

He refuses to feel guilty for Jedha. Jedha is bigger than him, and Baze. His love could not cause this. This is the wheel turning, as it does.

He will help it turn faster, so that fewer will be crushed under it.)

 

Chirrut goes mad when Jedha falls. He knows this. He knows his recklessness helps no one. He knows that attacking a squadron will make no difference, when there are so many more to be sent out. He cannot help himself, so Baze helps him.

And when they are alone, when Baze manages to pull him from his folly for a minute or an hour, they press their foreheads tight together and Chirrut cries. Jedha was more than a city, more than a temple. The ground is strange under his feet now. He finds himself lost in this city he knew so well. The weight of the world has changed.

The only thing he can find reliably now is Baze, and that is no challenge. Baze is always at his side.

 

(They do not go to Saw Gerrera for many reasons. First among them is a stubborn loyalty to Jedha — Saw’s people use bombs and guns and damage the city and the people, with little care who is in the way. He would not compare them to the Empire, but he does not love these people, who see only the fight. They can retreat to their hide out. They do not have to live in the ashes.

The city still aches and breaks, and Chirrut will not hurt it more.)

 

The kyber in her necklace calls to him. Perhaps it is the Force. Perhaps it is only that he has been listening for the hum of kyber since he was forced from the temple. It is a distinct noise, and he is grateful for his blindness so that he can hear it.

The Force moves around kyber with a song, and if he had his eyes he does not know that he could listen closely enough to hear.

He calls to her in return, and when she leaves he turns to Baze. “Something interesting is about to happen.”

Baze huffs. “I’ll get my gun.”

Chirrut laughs, breathy, delighted. “As if you are ever parted from her!”

“I’ll get _another_ ,” Baze says, but Chirrut can hear the smile. If Chirrut went mad when Jedha fell, Baze went cold.

Oh, in his heart Baze never lost his fire. Chirrut can press his ear to Baze’s chest and hear it crackling away, but it was banked down to cinders and coals. It is time to blow it back to leaping roaring life.

Chirrut loves Baze no matter what, but he loves him most when he is a wildfire, obliterating everything in his path. “Come,” he says. “We don’t want to miss the show.”

 

(Nothing about Saw Gerrera’s bolthole makes him think they made the wrong decision. There is a wrongness in the air. A desperation, a loss. They are a people fighting for a cause that they cannot quite remember, a cause that they repeat to themselves like a prayer.

They have fought so long that the memories of _why_ are thin and translucent and wavering, like old holos, watched too many times and skipping words.)

 

The man they find says, “I’m the pilot,” like Chirrut says, “The Force is with me,” and Chirrut understands. You have to hold onto something. Chirrut holds to the Force. Baze holds to Chirrut. It is how you stay a person.

They are strangers, and Bodhi is a wire as a much as a man, cranked so tight you can hear the tension, so Chirrut does not tell him that. Instead, he nudges Baze and they ask him questions to remind him of who he was.

He was from Jedha, they find. He remembers the same noodle shop they would visit on days off. He loves the stars. He is afraid.

He does not need to tell them that one. Chirrut listens to the beating of his heart and is satisfied. Fear has not stopped him yet, and it will not stop him going forward.

Chirrut claps a hand to Bodhi’s shoulder and ignores the flinch. He lets Baze do the talking. Bodhi does not stop trembling, but it is less violent, after a while.

 

(The less said about Eadu, the better. The less said about the aftermath, the better.

Chirrut is glad to put his back to it.)

 

Chirrut is not Force Sensitive. The Force has never spoken to him without the help of his staff. He gets to Scarif on faith, and his own two legs, and Baze’s.

When he walks to the master switch, the Force is with him. The Force does not let the enemy cut him down. Of course, the Force gives and the Force takes away, and he is not a chosen of the Force.

The Force gives him one last thing, at least. Baze finds his faith again. They will not be apart long.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did the weight of history between them even a little bit of justice!


End file.
